Today at work I started to wonder about something. What exactly is a queef? For the purposes of this post, I shall spell it as such. Some may quif. Others may quief. I queef. Urban dictionary (depending on which spelling you look up) lists it as being a 'cunt fart,' 'pussy fart,' or (my favorite) 'The involuntary release of compressed air from the vagina resulting from penile piston like pumping of intercourse. A.K.A. Pussy fart.' Personally, I would define it as air pushed out from the vagina. Pussy fart sounds good to me.
Anyway, I'm not entirely sure how this whole thing works. Today (sorry guys, I'm about to get personal) I kept having these weird air-bubbles in my vaginal area. It felt like I let a little gas out of the tush and instead of dispersing throughout the air, the bubble moved up in between my... well... vaginal area. It fucking sucked. I felt really awkward, too, because throughout the day I was moving around really awkwardly. It was almost the pee-pee dance, but it was really an attempt to get that bubble out of that supremely uncomfortable area.
As I was moving my hips in that really awkward motion, I started wondering about some things. Well. Do guys queef? I mean, if there's a girl version, there must be a guy version. As I live with my father and (for now) my uncle, there really aren't too many fellows in my life I would feel comfortable asking. Would a guy experience what I did today? When they fetsy, does part of that bubble get stuck in between ball sack and grundle? If so, what is that called?
I looked 'penis fart' up on Urban Dictionary, and it really didn't help that much. How the fuck does a guy fart out of his penis? I know the motion it takes to produce a queef, but how does a penis fart work? Not only that, but honestly it really isn't fair that there isn't a specific word to describe it. Queef is pretty well-known, but penis fart? That's kind of boring. You could call it a part, a penart, a fenis... I mean, there are so many possibilities.
I wonder what the origin of 'queef' is. How did this word come about? Is that the noise it makes? I'm not sure that's how mine sound, but then again I don't really pay too much attention when something as unfortunate as this happens. It's really uncomfortable, guys, and I'm not sure y'all realize that! Especially when it gets caught, as it did today.
Dear Any Guy Who Has Ever Experienced A Penis Fart,
Can you please explain to me how this works? To me, it just makes no sense. I mean, does it get stuck? How do you push air out of that? As I do not have one, I really don't understand it. Let me know. Thanks.
Sincerely,
A Supposed Queef-Master.
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Can't happen under any normal circumstance. The opening in the tip of the penis leads to the urethra. It is not a vagina; it is much smaller, meant to convey only liquids, and then in only one direction; after we urinate or ejaculate, it seals itself shut. Women have a urethral opening as well; it's the small hole just in front of your vaginal opening that your pee comes out of, hence "pee-hole". Unlike the vagina, I have never heard of a woman expelling air from her pee-hole any more than I ever heard of a penis fart. The only thing I can think of that MIGHT cause it would be a gas producing (and thus very severe) urinary tract infection. So if your beau farts from his penis, or you fart from your pee hole, go to the emergency room immediately.
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