seesters!

For the past (almost) week, I have been campaigning for my sister to write me an e-mail. I know this sounds ridiculous, but it seems that whenever I write her an in e-mail I either get a one-word answer or no answer at all. This is a problem because I love her and want to know what's going on with her life. It hasn't been easy being this far away from someone I love this much. It makes me realize how poor I am at keeping in touch with people. Regardless, I shouldn't have to pull any teeth to get her to write me. And yet, here I am yanking away! So, here I am, posting on her facebook wall every day. Ha, and I know, I KNOW how much it's pissing her off to look every day and see something new! I can only imagine how obnoxious she thinks I am, which makes me love her even more (and do it even more!)

Anyway, Rachel, I really miss you.

Love,

Seester :)

herein lies the reasons....

As of late, I've decided that I am an exceptional catch... I know, I'm not one to normally a) toot her own horn or b) feel sorry for herself... but these days I'm getting old and quite frankly, feel as if I deserve more than the hand I'm dealt. So, for my own personal gain, I would just like to put out there the reasons in which I should be married now or in the near future.

the number ONE REASON: fucking a, man. i can cook. i hate to love to say it, but my cooking will chip away at your soul... and, honestly, isn't that what food is supposed to do? make you feel? i've had many a conversation with friends about what they prefer; food or sex? and guess what always wins? food. damn skippy. how many times has a peanut butter and jelly disappointed you? when has a (true) bagel never hit the right spots? food is the eternal haven in which we all search for... deny it and you are lost.

two. i can't clean, but i'm damn good at directing people. i really don't have much to say about this. i suck at cleaning. as long as it's not greasy, it's good. don't judge me.

three. the many other things that are to be offered. music, for one. how can you deny something that moves you? it doesn't matter the tone, as long as the sound makes you do more... for me, joni. cactus tree is possibly the most amazing song ever. but, then, you have a song such as hallelujah. many people to choose from... too many right? but, oh, jeff buckley and his pathetically beautiful existence make me wish to be more than who i am....

g-ddamit. i now sound like a flea market.

g-d i love cake

i have this great fear that, as soon as i start something, i won't be able to finish it. it seems to get stronger every time i get a new idea into my head. something starts a brewing and then BAM! gone a few days later. i think i just tend to overwhelm myself. one part of my brain screams 'YES! YES, THIS IS THE BEST IDEA EVER!! keep going with it, otherwise nothing you ever do from here on in will ever remotely come to this idea.' and then... as soon as i start it... the other part of my brain starts moving. 'FAILURE,' it says. you're a complete failure. 'you should probably stop before it goes any further.' naturally, i tend to listen to the wrong part. i get halfway done with my idea and fear sets in. why? WHY?!

sometimes i think that if i was alone, i could truly get things done. move to nowhere. know noone. go to the most remote place you could possibly think of and then THEN you will become the best artist this age has ever known. i still believe that's true. people become distractions. they remove you from your true purpose. but it scares me that my true purpose can only be found if i'm alone. why can't i work with other people around? why can't i draw when people are in the room with me or are looking over my shoulder? how do others do it? i mean, seriously, HOW DO THEY DO IT??

i truly wish i could have my cake and eat it too. g-d i love cake.

a little bit of life reflecting a little bit of accepting...

you know how sometimes you meet a person and things just feel right? sometimes life just sort of falls into place, and sometimes it's a little harder to accept things. certain people touch your life, and that's just a gosh darned fact.

moving somewhere new really makes you reflect on those things. i've met a lot of people here in

the sk corral, some who will mean more than others. one of my best friends is leaving. she's amazing. it makes me really sad to think of how things are going to be when she's on the other side of the world. i mean, who will take my facebook profile picture? who will listen to me when i have a neverending amount of bitching to do? who will make me feel better about my neuroses and be there when i need her to?

here's the funny part (although it isn't altogether funny.) we'd lived together before. i've known her for a really long time. i suppose things just sort of fall into place when you're stuck in another world, and korea really is a whole other world. it makes me wonder what things will be like when i go home. will our friendship stay as strong as it has been? i'm nervous, because things change when people leave. no longer will we be on the same playing field. she'll be back there, and i'll be here. i really want her to stay, because it makes me nervous to think that maybe i'm going to lose someone who means so much to me now! i've never been the best at keeping in touch, so for her to go is, well... hard. to say the least.

these past four months have truly been amazing. i feel like i've done more in four months than i did in my two years out of college. i have literally seen the world, and it's been with a massive amount of support from friends and family. you never really lose anyone, and i will forever remember these times with the amazing friends i've made. all i can say is, "don't leave" and "see you soon?"

also... "mew. love you!"

it feels like little bits of skyland, penetrating my skin...

It has been four months since I've come to Korea, and everything still feels surreal. Sometimes, when I remember where I am and what I'm doing, I find myself wanting to pinch my skin and wake up. How did I get here? What am I doing, halfway across the world? I thought that by coming, it'd help me realize something amazing about myself. I felt I had a purpose; leaving behind everything I knew. I always wanted to start over, and this was my in. But, is that my purpose? My higher calling? Did I come to Korea because I wanted to leave all of those familiar faces and places? If that's the case, then why do I miss all of it so much?

It's spring here, now. On one hand, it makes me miss home even more. On the other, it makes me love Korea more than I have in my short four months. I remember why, when I came to visit my friends in September, I fell in love with it. I see now that my purpose is not to have a purpose at all. That just being here and doing this is reason enough for me to have come. Yes, it's fucking my skin up to no end. Yes, my friends and family are a fifteen hour (at least) plane ride away. Yes, I am surrounded by people who don't know me and (for the most part) can't understand me when I speak. I'm also pretty sure that's what I've always wanted, to be a part of the masses. So, why reflect on the negatives? Why wallow away and feel sorry for all of the things I've missed at home? When I count all that I've done here, which isn't much, what I really see is all of the things I WOULDN'T be doing if I was still living at home. That makes me happy. And proud. And excited. In the end, if we don't have any of our experiences than what is the purpose in living in the first place?

The SK Corral

What happens when you move to another country and you don't speak the language? Problem... yes? Yes. There are times when I feel like all of my students are talking about me. Eating lunch in Pear (I know they hate me, it's not all in my head) is always an experience. They take a bite, say something in Korean, and make eye contact with me. It's as if they're saying, "Fuck you, Teacher. Fuck you." I know, I know... they're young. Seven years old Korean age, so five or six actually. The look, though. It can be disheartening, to say the least.

Today, I found out that not all of my students hate me. A little girl named Jane made my day. No, actually, she made my six weeks. In between classes, one of the head teachers told me that she spoke to Jane's mother. I have been teaching her class for the past week, so not that long. Apparently, it was long enough to make an impression. Jane is one of my favorite students. She, too, has made an impression. She's smart, cute, plays the piano, and most importantly in this line of work, she WANTS to learn! What? A nerd? Be still my beating heart! Anyway, this coming Monday Jane will be moved to another class (a higher one, because she's just oh-so-smart...love it.) She told her mother that she didn't want to because she likes me that much. I'm not going to lie, I almost cried. I'm pretty sure I blushed, too.

Jane, sweet, sweet Jane... you have made my month and a half. Thank you.

A,B,C,D,E,F... K?

For the past five weeks, I have been living in a lovely little place called Korea. Things are interesting here, to say the least. There's the usual foreigner observations; jaywalking is virtually non-existent, all of the women wear heels all of the time (no, seriously) and apparently there is no such thing as a snow-plow. Life is generally good, but for the little things that make it hard. There are also the little things that make it easy. Public transportation, for one. Heated floors is another. My personal favorite is Harry Potter being on television at least once a week (what can I say, it's a sick obsession?)

I suppose I should say a little bit about my living situation. I kind of love it. Compared to some of the housing I have seen, there's a lot that could be changed. However, compared to a lot of the housing I have seen I damn skippied lucked out! I have a nice, big bed. Hard, but big. And, of course, the floors are heated. This is a little tidbit I really wish we had in the States. Probably the only thing I don't like is that I have to shit where I shower. Literally. Not a big fan of damp toilet paper and a nice, wet seat! Oh well.

All in all, life here is... life. I've done some exploring and there is definitely more to come. After all, it's only been a month!