i have this great fear that, as soon as i start something, i won't be able to finish it. it seems to get stronger every time i get a new idea into my head. something starts a brewing and then BAM! gone a few days later. i think i just tend to overwhelm myself. one part of my brain screams 'YES! YES, THIS IS THE BEST IDEA EVER!! keep going with it, otherwise nothing you ever do from here on in will ever remotely come to this idea.' and then... as soon as i start it... the other part of my brain starts moving. 'FAILURE,' it says. you're a complete failure. 'you should probably stop before it goes any further.' naturally, i tend to listen to the wrong part. i get halfway done with my idea and fear sets in. why? WHY?!
sometimes i think that if i was alone, i could truly get things done. move to nowhere. know noone. go to the most remote place you could possibly think of and then THEN you will become the best artist this age has ever known. i still believe that's true. people become distractions. they remove you from your true purpose. but it scares me that my true purpose can only be found if i'm alone. why can't i work with other people around? why can't i draw when people are in the room with me or are looking over my shoulder? how do others do it? i mean, seriously, HOW DO THEY DO IT??
i truly wish i could have my cake and eat it too. g-d i love cake.
